7 year itch...
Today marks the 7th year I have been working from home. Exactly 7 years ago today, was my last day at the financial support institution.
So how has it been? What have I achieved and where am I now?
Well, I have been feeling under the weather for the past few days. And I guess it has to do with the fact that at this stage of my income-earning life, I am back to the days of struggling and uncertainties.
Where other people like me would already be basking in success, expanding their businesses and networks, taking time off for holidays with the family, paying for their wants with no worries, me...I am back to trying to find ways to stay afloat. I am back to that stage when I started 7 years ago.
If it were true that life experiences moves in a 7-year cycle pattern, then I must now be at the bottom again, trying hard to again turn the wheel to move up to the next phase, and the next and the next until the end of this 7-year phase, or until only God knows when.
And this time, unlike the depression of a few months back, I really feel like I have come to a cross-road ~ should I finally opt out and go back to employment? Or should I persevere and give this a real shot, really work to make this line a success?
Lets see, if I opt out, I would have some assurance where money is concerned for that is what this depressive mode is about, really. Money, the root of all. BUT, I will have no freedom to work as I please, when I please and how I please. I will have to conform to following instructions and directions even those I may not agree to. I will have lesser time to interact with the family, especially the children. I may have to be away from them when duty calls for me to travel on business, alone without familiar company.
But if I do persevere, there may be a lot more challenges, heartaches and frustrations. With LS ending the year's season last month, no more steady income - it will purely be "got jobs, got pay"...and as of now, the few confirmed jobs in hand can barely meet my own personal needs what more contribute to the family's. And this could lead to more heartaches and frustrations. And stress...ohhhhh...am already feeling a throbbing in my head. And will I really have more time to be with the children then? Or space out the jobs according to my whims and fancies? Who am I kidding...looking at what most up-there business women share, it is usually the reverse. Often we hear of them sharing their experiences and sacrifices their families have had to make "before they can sit back and enjoy..."
But then, perhaps I have been too complacent with the LS project to really give my all even from the start. Perhaps if I had done that, I wouldn't be in this state of mind. It is tiring, at this stage and age, that I even have to start re-considering again. And it is even more tiring because I am doing this alone. Its not fun when I have to be the main (sole) contributor to the family by force.
Suddenly, I am hating the situation I am in.
So how has it been? What have I achieved and where am I now?
Well, I have been feeling under the weather for the past few days. And I guess it has to do with the fact that at this stage of my income-earning life, I am back to the days of struggling and uncertainties.
Where other people like me would already be basking in success, expanding their businesses and networks, taking time off for holidays with the family, paying for their wants with no worries, me...I am back to trying to find ways to stay afloat. I am back to that stage when I started 7 years ago.
If it were true that life experiences moves in a 7-year cycle pattern, then I must now be at the bottom again, trying hard to again turn the wheel to move up to the next phase, and the next and the next until the end of this 7-year phase, or until only God knows when.
And this time, unlike the depression of a few months back, I really feel like I have come to a cross-road ~ should I finally opt out and go back to employment? Or should I persevere and give this a real shot, really work to make this line a success?
Lets see, if I opt out, I would have some assurance where money is concerned for that is what this depressive mode is about, really. Money, the root of all. BUT, I will have no freedom to work as I please, when I please and how I please. I will have to conform to following instructions and directions even those I may not agree to. I will have lesser time to interact with the family, especially the children. I may have to be away from them when duty calls for me to travel on business, alone without familiar company.
But if I do persevere, there may be a lot more challenges, heartaches and frustrations. With LS ending the year's season last month, no more steady income - it will purely be "got jobs, got pay"...and as of now, the few confirmed jobs in hand can barely meet my own personal needs what more contribute to the family's. And this could lead to more heartaches and frustrations. And stress...ohhhhh...am already feeling a throbbing in my head. And will I really have more time to be with the children then? Or space out the jobs according to my whims and fancies? Who am I kidding...looking at what most up-there business women share, it is usually the reverse. Often we hear of them sharing their experiences and sacrifices their families have had to make "before they can sit back and enjoy..."
But then, perhaps I have been too complacent with the LS project to really give my all even from the start. Perhaps if I had done that, I wouldn't be in this state of mind. It is tiring, at this stage and age, that I even have to start re-considering again. And it is even more tiring because I am doing this alone. Its not fun when I have to be the main (sole) contributor to the family by force.
Suddenly, I am hating the situation I am in.
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